Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
Is this for real or some kind of hoax?
It’s real. Don’t believe me? Pay me and I’ll call you in the middle of the night to prove it. I know the site may read like a hoax, but it isn’t. If Barbara Mickelson wants to verify it, she can drop me a line on the contact page and I’ll even waive her fee. (Members of the media wishing a free call can use the Media Contact page.
How often is the video blog (vlog) updated?
It’s my hope to update it at least once a week. Since I can’t imagine any good reason why anybody would ever actually pay for it, I’ll just fill in the gaps with drunk calls to my friends and foes until such time as I can find a way to actually make this viable as a real business… do my enemies a favor and buy in now!
Why would I pay you to just talk for a few minutes?
It’s so much more than that. I’ll come up with a good conversation for us to have and practice it in advance of the call. What, do you think I’m new at being entertaining while I’m intoxicated? Almost my whole life is rehearsed, and the parts that aren’t really drag. Remember I want to put this on YouTube when we’re done, so I have to keep up the quality.
Why is it so cheap?
Because I don’t even know if anybody will buy it, so cheap is the best place to start. If I’m flooded with orders I can raise it, but I don’t think I’ll sell any. If nobody buys it, it doesn’t matter what the price is.
How soon should I expect a call?
You’ll get a welcome call within a few days to confirm it’s really you that wants the call. The actual drunk-dial will happen sometime within 30-days, hopefully when you least expect it.
Why does it take up to 30 days to get my call?
Because you’re not supposed to be expecting it and because I can’t drink all the time. I’m not trying to kill myself here, just combine two things I enjoy anyhow – Drinking and annoying people on the phone while drinking. It’s a win-win-win for me (third win is because of the money,) so everybody can be happy, as long as everybody is me.
Can I order this for somebody else? Can I give it as a gift?
No. Come on man, that’s a terrible thing to do. I’m not prank calling strangers in the middle of the night, I’m calling my friends just to talk. That’s what a drunk dial is. If you want to bug them like that, you need to be that friend and do it yourself.
What if I don’t answer the call?
Depends on what you say on your order form. If you say I can leave a message, I will. If you say I can call back repeatedly, I’ll do that. I’ll kind of play it by ear, but I’ll always try calling back, whether that night or at a different time.
Will my call be posted on the site?
Yes, unless it doesn’t go well. All calls are recorded and I hope to add them all to the site.
Do you use offshore call centers like the ones so common in India?
I haven’t yet found a reason to outsource my drunken phone calls to India, though I’m definitely open to the idea. Thanks for the suggestion!
What’s the callback number?
I block that. I don’t need that kind of hassle. You may love the idea of a drunk dial, but the reality isn’t as pretty as you might romanticize it to be. Last thing I want is you getting mad because I wanted to talk politics at six AM on your day off.
Who would buy this?
I don’t know, maybe nobody. I’m curious to see if I get any takers or how many at that. First couple will be freebies to my friends so you can
Why would I want you to call me?
I’m a funny, well read guy, and I’m really friendly and entertaining when a bit tossed, or so it seems like to me. I write humor for a living. That should count for something.
What will we talk about?
Doesn’t matter, does it? You’re free to suggest a topic like politics or your favorite celebrities, or ask me to tell jokes. I recommend the traditional drunk dial conversation, which is usually about emotional insecurities bubbling up to the surface. You might be asked to tell me I’m a good person or suggest why my mom doesn’t like me as well as the other kids… or I can tell you about some movie I just saw… or recite rap lyrics as if that’s in some way not completely frustrating to you… or badly describe funny pictures of cats to you verbally… or we can talk about your receptionist’s boobs. I’m just that flexible.